Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
From: (Charlie Todd)
Subject: DOOMed Airline
Keywords: smirk, computers
Message-ID: <>
Date: Sat, 23 Nov 96 4:30:03 EST
Lines: 86

In light of the recent gentelman, Richard Allan Josephson,
who casually mentioned the words "pipe bomb" to a stewardess on an
airline here in the US, who was then arrested for inducing a panic, we 
present this scenario:  

The DOOMed Airline
My friend Marvin and I are going to California in a few days and have
been contemplating taking two of the companies laptops, connecting
them via network cable and playing cooperative DOOM II.  We would of course
have our headphones on to shut out our surroundings. To pass the
time ...

Those of you who have played cooperative DOOM may recognize this as
legitimate conversation between players, which could easily be misunderstood...

Marvin:  Do you have the double barrel shotgun?

Charlie: Not yet, where is it?

Marvin:  It's off to your left.  Cool, I forgot there was a machine gun in
         here! I was almost out of bullets...

Charlie: Oh, ok.  I got it.  How many rockets do you have?

[ Stewardess stops what she's doing and runs to the front of the plane.]

Marvin:  Fifteen.

Charlie: OK.  I'll take these five.

Marvin:  Now be careful.  When we turn the corner, the room is gonna be full 
         of bad people.  I'll get the ones on the left, you get the ones
         on the right.
Charlie: Gotcha.  Ready?

[ People nearby are taking watches and jewelry off and hiding their 
  possesions. ]
Marvin:  Ready.  GO!

[Massive swaying of bodies as players dodge bullets and imps - thereby
 causing plane to change course]

Marvin:  Hold on...we missed one.

Charlie: Where?  ...  Wait, let me grab my rocket
         launcher.  Ok.  That's it lets go.
Marvin:  Wait.  We haven't killed everyone, yet.

[ A large woman next to Marvin passes out. ]

Charlie: Why do we always have to kill everyone?

Marvin:  'Cause.  There's no fun unless everyone is dead.

Charlie: Ok.  Have it your way.

Marvin:  We need to make sure we get that little room behind the door
         at the front of this room.  Go up there, shoot them and push
         the button.  Do you have the key to open the door?

[ Intercom: Ladies and gentlemen, this your captain.  We have had a
            medical emergency on board.  We need to land the plane
            immediately.  We apologize for any delays this may impose.
            Please fasten your seatbelts and observe the no smoking sign. ]
Charlie: Yes.  I just don't see why we have to kill them all?

Marvin:  Just go do it.

Big man holding a gun in our faces:
         Freeze gentlemen.  U.S. Marshall.  You are under arrest.       

Now, just imagine if it was Duke Nukem (pipe bombs) or Quake (nail guns,axe).

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